


Don't You Know What I Can Do to Make You Feel Alright?

by NaiveDeviant



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Semi-Public Sex, Takes place after s02e09 Binding Arbitration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaiveDeviant/pseuds/NaiveDeviant
Summary: On the eve of the Pied Piper v. Hooli decision, Richard is feeling particularly tense. Erlich helps him unwind.Takes place after s02e09 "Binding Arbitration."





	Don't You Know What I Can Do to Make You Feel Alright?

After leaving the courthouse, Erlich insisted that he and Richard first stop at the nearest dispensary, followed by the Taco Bell drive-through. But once they had obtained enough weed and tacos for the entire hostel, Richard realized that they weren’t going back to the hostel. In fact, they were driving in the opposite direction. 

“Where are we going?” Richard asked, knowing full well that if Erlich was driving, he was just along for the ride.

“Chill out, we had a supremely shitty day. We’re going to unwind a little. Get away from it all,” said Erlich, wistfully, like he was driving them all the way to Cabo San Lucas. Not impossible with Erlich at the wheel, Richard mused. But he wasn’t in the mood for distractions, and he couldn’t run away from what was bothering him: the conclusion of binding arbitration and the judge’s ruling tomorrow. 

“Can we just go home?” Richard pleaded. “What could be more important than going back to the hostel and breaking the bad news to the guys?”

Erlich gripped the steering wheel tighter and grit his teeth. “ _Fine_ , make me ruin the surprise. We’re going to the harbor, where we’re going to enjoy this outstanding marijuana and this cheap Mexican-American food.” Which, Richard had to admit, didn’t sound like the worst plan after the day they had endured. 

Once at the harbor, they walked along the water, past boats of all sizes tied up at the dock. Erlich studied them as they walked, finally saying, “Yep, this is the one,” and clambering aboard a large boat named “Heart of Gold.”

“Whose boat is this?” Richard asked, although he knew exactly what Erlich would say.

“No goddamn clue. C’mon, the sun is setting, and it’s spectacular!” 

Richard hesitated for a moment before stepping on. This was trespassing, but he had to admit, the view _was_ spectacular. The water mirrored the shades of orange and peach in the distance. He felt a million miles away from Palo Alto and his crushing disappointment. Tomorrow, the judge would rule against him and he’d lose Pied Piper to Hooli. That was a problem for tomorrow. Tonight, he felt a little reckless. He took a seat on the deck and loosened his tie. Damn, it was a gorgeous night. 

Erlich produced a joint and a lighter, took a hit, and held it out to Richard. Fuck it, this couldn’t hurt, right? Richard inhaled deeply and immediately began coughing. He had forgotten how much smoking felt like long fingernails dragging down your lungs.

Erlich shoved the taco bag at him. “Have some food; have some Baja Blast! But don’t drink all of it – it’s mine,” he said, wrapping a possessive hand around the massive cup.

It was tempting, but, “I really shouldn’t,” said Richard. “Taco Bell gives me, um, digestive issues.” 

“That’s why I got you a 7-layer burrito. It doesn’t have any meat, so even your shitty, delicate stomach should be able to handle it.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks,” said Richard, fishing the burrito out of the bag.

“You should know that I’ve forgiven you for not lying on the stand. I know you think you did the right thing,” said Erlich, between bites of taco. He wasn’t fucking letting this go. Richard fantasized about throwing him overboard and watching him be ripped apart by sharks. Were there even sharks in this harbor? 

“ _You’ve_ forgiven _me_? Oh, great, thanks, I was really holding my breath for that, Erlich. Have you forgotten that _you’re_ the one who let it slip that my laptop was in the shop?” 

“Our lawyer was a dick! I really tried to cover for you when you were on the stand! If the judge had let me speak-”

Richard tried not to choke on his burrito. “Did you? There’s not a person on Earth that would believe you’re the girlfriend I referred to in my e-mails.” 

“With proper planning, we could’ve presented a convincing tale of two sad, lonely geniuses in a clandestine relationship. Like if Jobs and Woz were secretly fucking.” Richard cringed, because sex between the two Steves was something he never wanted to imagine. Erlich continued. “Really, is the idea of us being involved,” he gestured between the two of them, half-eaten taco still in hand, “more absurd than you dating your laptop because you haven’t had a real girlfriend in over _three_ years?”

“Yes, absolutely! Uh, no, I don’t know,” Richard sputtered. “They’re both absurd, and I wasn’t _dating_ my laptop. It was just a nickname.”

“Whatever, it’s a lost cause now. Thanks for taking your number one girl out for a romantic dinner on the harbor. And for paying,” Erlich said with a wink. He was shoving another soft taco in his mouth and had some sauce in his beard. He had already spilled bits of meat and cheese on the otherwise pristine desk. If Taco Bell on a stranger’s boat was Erlich’s idea of a romantic dinner, romance was truly dead. 

“I paid because you had no cash, and, oddly, no card on you either. And I would never buy a woman Taco Bell.”

Erlich looked genuinely offended. “There’s your problem! You’re into high-maintenance women.”

That couldn’t be further from the truth, but Richard said “sure, whatever,” hoping Erlich would drop the subject.

No such luck. Erlich chuckled a little and said, “So this is automatically the best date you’ve been on in years. Because you haven’t been on _any_ date in years.” 

Richard nudged Erlich in the ribs and snatched the joint out of his hand. “Not a date. What’s up with the girlfriend shit?” he asked, taking a second hit. He went from slightly high to very high almost immediately. His skin felt like it was moving and glowing with an invisible light. Shit, this legal weed was strong.

“I’m practically your girlfriend, but with none of the benefits,” Erlich snorted. “We fight constantly, and I always end up giving in to you. I’m the one who cleans the house. And my sense of style is way better than yours.”

The first two assertions were correct but Richard couldn’t agree with that last one, although Erlich _did_ clean up pretty well when he put the effort in. He had thrown his jacket and tie in the back of the van as soon as they had left the courthouse, and now had his shirt untucked and partially unbuttoned, exposing part of his pale chest. He looked more like his usual self, but he still looked good. 

“Fuck, too many tacos,” Erlich groaned, lying down. His head was almost touching Richard’s thigh. Richard felt like his body was a floating orb of energy being slowly pulled into the darkening sky. He absentmindedly played with Erlich’s hair with one hand, lost in the texture against his skin. He didn’t think about what he was doing until Erlich shifted a little.

“Sorry. Is this weird? Your hair feels nice,” said Richard, acutely aware that it was the highest possible thing he could’ve said. 

Erlich’s eyes briefly fluttered open, and then closed again. “Wasn’t weird til you said something.”

Richard laughed nervously and tried to think of something to say that wasn’t incredibly dumb. “Don’t want you to, uh, get any ideas,” was all he could come up with. 

Erlich sat up on his knees and did something with his eyebrows that made him look both confused and furious. “What the hell? Need I remind you that _you_ , “ punctuated with a finger to Richard’s sternum, “were the one who wanted to suck my dick at Peter Gregory’s toga party?” 

Richard dropped his gaze to his lap. “Uh…I thought we had agreed to never talk about that again,” he mumbled. He had been incredibly drunk that night. More drunk than he’d probably ever been. And Erlich had been so charming, telling all the party-goers about how _brilliant_ Richard was and how he had a _vision_ , and how Pied Piper was going to be a success. He had said all the right things and made Richard feel like they were true. Richard had just wanted to keep this big, loud, charismatic man around for the good of the business, but also because he made Richard feel pretty damn special. Not many people had done that for him. 

“I rescind my agreement. We’re talking about it,” Erlich said. The sun had mostly set now, and they were bathed in dim light. Erlich swung a leg over Richard’s legs, straddling him; getting right up in his face. “We’re talking about how you were practically _begging_ for my dick.” 

Richard was determined to keep his composure, no matter how anxious and high he felt. “But you said no. You asked me to make you a member of the board instead. Which I did.”

Erlich grasped Richard’s shoulders and flashed him a wicked grin. “Although it was a tempting offer, you were wasted, and I saw a business opportunity. Anyway, I think you’d rather have it the other way around, with my pretty lips around your cock. You seem more like a taker than a giver.” 

Erlich’s words went straight to Richard’s dick, but he felt obligated to protest anyway. “Uh, I know I said a lot of things, but, uh, I- I’m straight.”

“And?” asked Erlich, gently pulling Richard’s tie and leaning into until their foreheads were nearly touching. 

“I, uh, I like women.”

Erlich leaned back for a moment to roll his eyes. “I know what straight means, dumbass. We’ve established that you like women. Do you want me to stop?”

Richard sat motionless and mulled it over. This was no more regrettable than when he hooked up with his best friend’s girlfriend in high school. Or his fling with his Calculus III professor. His track record was pretty bad all-around, so this was par for the course. He was curious and horny enough to see this through. Besides, once Richard lost ownership of his algorithm Erlich would probably kick him out of the hostel and they’d never see each other again. “No,” Richard finally said. “Keep going.”

Erlich moved his hands down to Richard’s waist. “Relax. Let me make you feel good. I don’t give a shit if you’re thinking about a girl. I’m far better than your laptop.” He broke into a ridiculous smile, as if a brilliant idea had just occurred to him. “But if I _was_ your girl, I wouldn’t make you do any work. I’d ride you just like this,” he growled, grinding down on Richard’s cock. “Would you like that, Richie?”

Richard was already painfully hard. He nodded. 

Richard felt Erlich’s beard rubbing against his cheek. “I’d be the best fucking girlfriend. Would never make you beg for it,” he whispered, nipping at Richard’s earlobe. “Always give you exactly what you want.”

Goddamn, no girl had ever said anything like that to Richard. It was unbelievably hot. 

“What do you want, Richie?” asked Erlich, breath hot on Richard’s neck. 

Richard shifted a little under Erlich’s weight and tried to find words that roughly conveyed “touch me right fucking now.” He got out a strained, “Can you…just, uh…” 

Erlich starting undoing Richard’s pants. “This okay?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

Even just Erlich’s hand loosely gripping his cock felt so intense. Richard gasped as he swiped his thumb over the head and gave a few, slow strokes. “Good?”

It _was_ good, and surprisingly gentle. Which Richard apparently said aloud, because Erlich laughed and said, “Yeah, I get laid more often than you do. Which is to say I get laid at all.”

“Asshole,” Richard murmured, but he smiled despite Erlich’s tactlessness. He would’ve been surprised if Erlich hadn’t tried to antagonize him while seducing him. It was almost endearing. 

Erlich gave a few more strokes before asking, “Do you want me to suck your dick?”

“Yeah,” said Richard, breathlessly, before he could think about it too much. 

“Lie back and relax,” Erlich instructed.

Richard did as he was told, although the deck wasn’t very comfortable. Staring into the dark sky he could make out a couple of stars (or were they only planes?), but clouds and light pollution obscured most of them. It was never entirely dark in Silicon Valley. Facial hair aside, Richard quickly determined that getting a blowjob from Erlich was really no different than getting a blowjob from a girl. He let himself relax into the pleasure and thought about his last girlfriend, and how he liked to pull her hair while she sucked him off. He gave into his desire and thrust a hand into Erlich’s hair, pulling a little. Testing the waters. “Fuck, Richie,” Erlich moaned. Richard pulled a little harder. 

The sensations grew stronger and Richard found himself moaning and sighing, and then he was coming, releasing the tension that he always carried, allowing himself to come undone for a few moments. When he opened his eyes Erlich was unceremoniously spitting come into the soda cup, which would’ve been disgusting if he hadn’t also licked a few stray drops of Richard’s come off of his hand like it was no big deal. And then Erlich glanced down at his own erection, clearly visible through his pants, and then at Richard, expectantly. “What happened to you doing all of the work?” Richard asked. He was ready to sleep, so goddamn tired with satisfaction. 

“It’s good manners to reciprocate. Didn’t you learn that in kindergarten?” Erlich asked, impatiently shoving a hand down his pants.

Richard ignored his desire to point out how Erlich’s own understanding of manners was lacking. “Fine, be needy. Let me help you out with that...babe,” he said, and meant it as a taunt, but it came out hesitant and awkward. But Erlich was grinning, so his delivery couldn’t have been _too_ awkward. 

Richard hastily undid Erlich’s pants and took his cock in his hand. This was just like masturbating, right? Not knowing what to do with his other hand, Richard grabbed a fistful of Erlich’s hair and pulled him in until their faces were almost touching. Richard barely brushed his lips against Erlich’s, wanting to see how he would respond. Sex was one thing, but kissing was pretty intimate. Maybe even completely off the table. “You trying to properly court me? Wanna go steady?” Erlich mocked, but he didn’t pull away. Their lips met and they didn’t get it right immediately, as Richard opened his mouth too much, but he adjusted to what Erlich was giving him and they kept it soft and slow, with slips of tongue and gently bitten lips. They fell into a tempo, kissing while Richard stroked Erlich’s cock, which felt like it was growing even harder than Richard thought possible. He kept his strokes long and languid. And then Erlich was coming and collapsed onto Richard, nearly knocking him onto his back. 

Then, as suddenly as it had come on, the high seemingly dissipated. Richard came back to earth with drying come on his hand and Erlich’s taco breath way too close to his face, and Erlich’s eyes studying him intently. “Hey,” he finally rasped. “You okay, Richie?”

Richard wasn’t okay. 

Years of hard work on a world-changing algorithm, and this is what it had come to – eating greasy fast food on a stranger’s boat and getting a blowjob from his business partner, who probably just pitied him. And although the blowjob was objectively good and the burrito was at least edible, what came next? Tomorrow he’d just be a tech failure with bowel problems, unable to look his landlord in the face. Jesus Christ, his life was a disaster, wasn’t it? He felt the familiar symptoms wash over him in rapid succession – his heart beat rapidly; his fingers went numb; the world spun. He felt nauseous and hot and cold and completely _godawful_. Everything felt hopeless. He was having a panic attack. 

“That was a mistake,” Richard blurted out. Erlich snapped out of his post-orgasm haze and looked baffled. “I should be trying to meet women, not hooking up with you. But all of my relationships have ended disastrously, and I can’t meet anyone, and I don’t know why.”

Erlich got to his feet and zipped his pants. “If you can’t meet girls and your relationships have been shit, newsflash, boy genius - the common denominator is _you_. And have you considered that maybe you’re not successful with women because you’re not really into women?”

“Yeah, thanks, I actually had considered that before tonight. But let yourself believe your blowjob turned me, if that’s what you want.” The words were spilling out of Richard before he had a chance to consider them. 

“Fuck you,” spat Erlich. “I was trying to make you feel better.” He looked gutted, and Richard suddenly felt like an enormous asshole. Sometimes he forgot that for as loud and insensitive as he usually was, Erlich could be emotionally fragile, especially if he felt like he was being rejected. Time to backpedal. 

“I just-it’s-this is all a lot, you know? Losing everything I’ve worked for. Coming this far just to have Gavin fucking Belson take it from us. It’s not fair. I’ve worked my ass off! And then we trespassed on this boat and you sucked my dick and it was great and I don’t really know how to feel about all of this. Erlich, I really, really can’t handle this,” he mumbled as he hid his face in his hands. 

Erlich sighed and tentatively wrapped an arm around Richard’s shoulders. “This okay?” he asked. Richard nodded. “Richard, do you want to forget this happened?” 

“Yes. I mean, no. I don’t know. Just…I think that I’m really bad at everything. Fuck. I’m a bad partner, and a bad programmer, and a bad lover, and tomorrow Hooli gets to take everything I’ve worked for. When we lose everything, you’ll lose your money, too. Doesn’t that piss you off?”

Erlich shrugged. “Well, yeah, I’m really fucking pissed about it. But I don’t think you’re so bad. And no matter what happens tomorrow, I’m not kicking you out of my house. If you made me money once you’re bound to do it again. But seriously, we can forget this ever happened, if that’s what you want.” 

What _did_ he want? He wanted to own his algorithm in the morning. He wanted Pied Piper in the hands of millions of users. He wanted to be respected. But if he couldn’t have his algorithm, maybe he could start over. And maybe he wanted Erlich beside him. And maybe, sometimes, underneath him. Maybe that wasn’t so wrong, but he didn’t need to analyze that yet. “Um. Well. Actually, I was kind of hoping you could…you know, do what you were talking about earlier.” 

“I’m going to need you to be more specific. I talk about a lot of things,” said Erlich.

“Uh, I think you said something about riding me?”

“Fuck, sure. I’d love to do that sometime.” Erlich gave Richard a swat on the ass. “You really know how to treat a lady, Richie. Let’s head home. Tomorrow’s a big day,” he said, turning to leave. 

Richard lingered for a moment to look at the water. It wasn’t the ocean; he knew there was an opposite shore somewhere in the distance. The owner of this boat couldn’t strike out on the open seas and sail all the way to Bora Bora. The possibilities weren’t endless, but there were, at least, possibilities. Richard took a deep breath in and then released, and followed Erlich’s lead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated! And yes, the title was taken from Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend."


End file.
